Listening to your baby's heartbeat-Cody and Kim's Pregnancy Announcement--Mead, Colorado

Jennifer Bridge March 13, 2018

Going to your first ultrasound appointment and listening to your baby's heartbeat is one of the most exciting things you might ever hear. It is overwhelming, terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. It is that little affirmation that yes, you did in fact make a human and it’s growing inside of you!! Your mind floods with all of the hopes, dreams and fears of your impending parenthood. The feelings of love, anticipation and joy get mixed up with anxiety, worry and inadequacy. If you’ve ever seen ‘Inside Out’, it’s kind of like when ‘Sadness’ starts hijacking all of the feel good emotions and suddenly you are on an emotional rollercoaster and you can’t get off. In the best possible way though. The joy of that tiny, fast, strong little heartbeat is special.

My cousin Cody and his girl Kim, got to experience that joy this past week. And what makes their experience extra special, is that this little bean is their Rainbow Baby. If you haven’t heard that term before, it’s the baby you have after experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth. It’s an incredibly special name for something incredibly difficult to endure. These two had their worlds rocked several months back when the joy of being pregnant quickly turned to deep sadness at the unexpected loss. Out of that pain they realized that even though it would be scary to try again, it would be worth it… they wanted it so badly. They had so many wishes wrapped up in that first pregnancy and they knew they needed to move forward.

A couple months ago, we were hanging out talking about all of this. They shared their pain with us and opened up about the loss of their baby. They talked a lot about how it was so surprising and it completely took them off guard. That the pain was still palpable months later. I’ve heard that before from other friends that have experienced this. There is so much talk around how to prevent pregnancy as you are growing up. But then when you grow up and want to be pregnant, and it doesn’t work, it’s so confusing. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating. It’s like you always thought it would be so easy and so many people do it on accident… and here you are wondering what the heck is wrong with your body. And truthfully, this experience isn’t really that uncommon. A lot of people go through this and I am so glad that we are alive in a time when we are able to share these stories so that nobody has to face this alone. If this little story can fill just one extra person with the hope they need to get through a loss of their own, that is a blessing and I am grateful for it.

So it is with great joy that I get to announce to the world this new life growing in Kim’s belly. This beautiful little miracle. This second chance. This perfect heartbeat. This rainbow after the storm. This Future Jedi.

May the force be with you.

PS-Sorry for the cheesy cornball line at the end… I kinda can’t help myself. All jokes aside, I am stoked about this baby and you will definitely be seeing more from these three down the road. Kim told me she wants to take ALL the pictures! Ha! And can we talk about how cool they are for a second? Love it when couples can rock their own personal style! As always... hit me up if you are in need of some photographs... it's kinda my thing ;) Love to you all on this beautiful Tuesday morning! ~Jenn

As always... hit me up if you are in need of some photographs... it's kinda my thing ;) Love to you all on this beautiful Tuesday morning! ~Jenn

Our Love Story, Part 3: Dear Adam

Jennifer Bridge February 27, 2018

Hello everyone! Here is it is... the final installment of Our Love Story, Part 3! Thank you all for joining me as I tell the story of 'Adam and Jenn'. I have really enjoyed writing it and my hope is that you enjoy reading it! If you missed the first two parts, check them out!

Part 1 : Middle School & Part 2: Growing Up Together

**A little note before you begin... I included several pictures to tell this part of the story and they are all from different people and different cameras so that's why some of the images aren't super high quality... but they're still fun to look at :)

Dear Adam,

I don’t exactly know how to finish telling all of our wonderful readers part 3 of our little love story. I thought and thought and thought about it. After much debate and a couple of false starts, I realized that I actually wasn’t writing this for them. (Sorry guys!) I was writing this for you... and me. And for our girls.

We’ve been married 10 years now and it’s nearly impossible to recount all of the story worthy moments we’ve shared. And honestly, when I think back over those 10 years, it’s kind of a blur anyway. I feel like 10 years is a big deal but it doesn’t feel like 10. I guess that’s a good thing right?

You know as much as I do that it hasn’t been all roses. Of course we’ve faced a lot of hardships, made hundreds (if not thousands) of sacrifices, worked hard, scraped by, and endured loss. Loss of family, loss of jobs, loss of income, loss of friends, loss of direction. But never loss of faith in each other. Through all of the things that we have overcome, we somehow always find each other.

On our wedding day, I remember the feeling that washed over me as the pastor told our closest family and friends that they were there to hold witness to our commitment to each other. And that if ever our love wavered or our relationship took a turn in the wrong direction, they were supposed to step in and remind us of why we made that commitment. The feeling of protection was so powerful and I remember looking up at you, thinking, “I’m home.” I knew without a doubt that all of the days leading up to this one were little tests, little nudges, little pushes in this direction to get me to this day.

There were times in the years before we were married that I wondered if we should be together. I worried that I wasn’t good enough for you or your family. I worried that some cuter, smarter, funnier girl would come along and catch your attention. I worried that you might not put up with my crazy anymore.

But not you… you “Mr. worries about everything”... every time one of those thoughts entered my mind you somehow saw my insecurities and drew me closer. You leaned into me every time I thought I should push you away. I have faced so much loss in my life and have come to expect it so much, that at times, I figured I’d eventually lose you too. I remember telling you this one night and, with conviction, you told me, “I broke up with two girlfriends for you, it’s always been you, I’m not going anywhere.”

So on our wedding day, and every day since, I have felt your protection. The way you take care of things around the house (mostly before I ask), the way you take on things you know I hate like dishes, taxes, car stuff… The way you insist on sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door in case of a home invasion. (This is obviously my favorite one because it’s hilarious!!) The way you encourage me, support me and never actually tell me I’m crazy, even though I know you’re thinking it. And you never lose your temper even when I am in a particularly difficult mood. You know how to stay calm and be patient… something I wish would rub off on me! You have a wonderfully sensitive soul that sees the best in people. When I start being judgemental about anything, you give me a new perspective and snap me out of it. I love that you value me as a woman and that our daughters see that being a girl simply means being strong. You make me believe that I can do anything. And because you do that for me, I never worry that our girls will grow up thinking they can’t achieve their wildest dreams… You will see to it that they feel supported in whatever direction they go. Our home is full of music, we get plenty of belly laughs, and I never have to worry that we will run out of popcorn. My life is so good with you.

In all of the blurriness of those first years of marriage, I do remember lots of adventure. Can you believe we packed up and moved to South Korea in our very first year as a married couple? I still think that was wild. Do you remember how scared we were to get on that plane? Two kids from Longmont who had technically never been out of the country, heading to a foreign land that we never had any intention of seeing otherwise. And when we got to our apartment at 2am and the smell that was so awful it made us cry? We sat huddled together in that dirty, dingy, tiny 18th story apartment, looking out over a brightly lit city that was now our home...wondering what the hell we had gotten into. We leaned in hard to each other during that year. It was full of self discovery and bonded us so deeply that we came home with a strength I don’t believe we would have found otherwise. You totally came out of your shell. I remember watching you make friends and talk to strangers with such ease. Back home I was so used to doing the talking for both of us because you were so shy. Your adventurous spirit came out in full force and before I could say no, you would say yes. You had us eating all sorts of crazy stuff… cow intestine, raw liver, live octopus, silkworm larvae, chicken feet.

After 12 months of crazy adventures we decided to come home and plant some roots. What we didn’t know was that soon after we were home my mom would pass away. I faced a loss that was so tragic it nearly broke me. But you wouldn’t let it. You held on to me even tighter and helped me through the most difficult days of my life. You also took care of my sisters and made sure that we all survived it. This incredible but quiet strength you provided day after day without wavering got us through our darkest time. That feeling of protection again that you so effortlessly provide.

A few years of uncertainty followed… not about our relationship, but about what we wanted to do next. The obvious thing was to start a family. But what we thought would be an easy thing to do, turned out being a year and half of “not this month”. I remember that day though, the one that finally had two blue lines. I came out of the bathroom to show you and you were so excited that it was real… you kept throwing your hands up and saying, “Seriously?” There was so much excitement wrapped up in that pregnancy and we would talk for hours about our hopes and dreams for our baby. The day she was born was nothing short of amazing. I’ll always remember your face as you announced that it was a girl and helped to place Lydia on my chest. I found a whole new kind of love that I didn’t know existed. You made me a mom and I will always love you more than anyone for that.

And even though only a third of our marriage has been as parents, it’s by far my favorite part. I always knew you’d be a good dad but you have far exceeded my expectations. I love watching you play with our girls. Teaching them, reading to them, playing music for them. I’ve watched you rock those babies to sleep, singing softly and heard you whispering your special goodnight messages that only they can hear (that you probably don’t know that I know about). And every time I am reminded that not everyone is this lucky.

On a day to day basis, like every other human, I take these things for granted. I don’t slow down enough to thank you. Or tell you that you are a treasure. But today… I am feeling very grateful that as I reflect back on the last decade of my life, I see you. You are there in every memory, holding my hand, standing by my side and keeping me upright when all I want is to curl up in a ball and shut out the hard parts. I love the life you have provided us and the sacrifices you make to keep us all happy. I love that you so selflessly give to our family when you often go without the things you want. I love you for being excited to take Lydia to swim lessons on a Saturday mornings and getting up early on the weekends with Emmy so I can sleep in. I love that you go to work everyday with passion and motivation to inspire kids. You are a natural born teacher and I am so proud of you for doing what you love. I feel so lucky that whatever drew us together when we were just a couple of goofy 13 year olds has been strong enough to keep us together all these years.

As we head into this next decade, I am excited. I am excited that we get to do this life together. How lucky we are to have a best friend for life and two sweet girls to witness our crazy love. I think about the stories they’ll tell their friends about how weird their parents are and it comforts me. Yes, life is good.

I’ll journey to the end with you.

Love you,

Jennifer

Our Love Story, Part 2: Growing up Together

Jennifer Bridge February 20, 2018

Hello! Thank you for joining me this week. Last week I started a 3 part series of my own love story. If you'd like a refresher, you can read Part 1 here.

Part 2: Growing up Together

It was mid September of 2001 and I was a senior. I was fresh out of a relationship and had a new sense of freedom. I was excited to start off my last year of high school, single and available to do whatever I wanted with my friends. As I strode down the crowded hallway, I caught sight of Adam standing in ‘his’ corner with a group of friends-- some I knew, some were kids I’d never paid attention to. He still towered above everyone and now sported a foot long Mohawk that made him stand out even more...but in a really good way. I knew this was where he hung out, with the other punk rock and skater kids but until this particular day, I kind of ignored it. Our eyes met briefly and we nodded a hello to each other. I kept on going. The next day though, there was a special feeling in the air… one of those fall days that you feel so excited about life and willing to take on whatever challenge comes your way… like talking to a cute boy you used to really like and getting him to break up with his girlfriend… again.

Okay- I know what you are thinking… “Man, she’s awful!”, “What a (fill in the blank)!”, “How could she?”, “Seriously?”, “Breaking up another one of this guy’s relationships?” Go ahead… judge me! It’s okay. I’ve reconciled all of that already. But I promise, I didn’t really have malicious intent. It just sort of happened.

As I approached ‘his’ corner that morning, my heart took over, and before my mind could step in and stop me, I was standing in front of Adam with a big goofy grin and flushed cheeks. I wanted to keep walking to class but here I was. Looking up (way up) at a cute face, with gentle brown eyes and a big toothy smile. All 3 years of missing him came flooding back and I choked out a very nervous but eager ‘hello’. I’ve never been very graceful so when I get nervous I laugh and talk a lot. I think I just started jabbering away and asking him how he was, what was new, did he still skate, could I hang out and watch him sometime? He seemed genuinely excited to see me and told me that yes, I could come hang out anytime and that he had started a band. He invited me to come see them play. It was right about this time that I noticed his girlfriend, staring at me from behind him, shooting some pretty intense eyeball daggers my way.

I said hello to her and ended our conversation pretty quickly, telling him I’d see him around. See? I wasn’t trying to steal her boyfriend… I was trying to be nice. I consulted a close friend at the time and told her that I had talked to him and desperately wanted to hang out but that he had a girlfriend and I didn’t want to start any trouble.

Friday night rolled around and I found myself wondering what Adam was up to and if he and his friends were out skating or playing music. In spite of not wanting to cause any drama, I couldn’t help myself. It was pretty easy to figure out where he’d be and before I knew it, I was there hanging out with him and his friends, catching up. It was one of those nights where you pick up where you left off with an old friend and it seems like there was never any time or distance between you.

We ended up at a friend’s party. A typical teenage party where the parents were out of town and somebody’s older brother bought beer. Everyone was playing drinking games but I noticed that while Adam was playing too, he wasn’t really drinking or getting wasted like his friends. I thought this was pretty cool and unexpected--every other boy I knew in high school was the exact opposite. We ended up hanging out and talking long after the party was over. But that was all--just talking. He walked me to my car and as we said goodbye, we both knew it wasn’t going to be long before we saw each other again. That spark that drew us together when we were 13 was still very much there at 17.

So, Adam broke up with his girlfriend… again… only this time, he didn’t ask me out the very next day. We mutually decided that since both of us had had recent break ups, we should just be friends for a while and see where things went. I know, very mature 17 year old stuff here people.

We started hanging out every day. Eating lunch together, driving around aimlessly, hanging with friends, listening to music. He properly introduced me to the world of Punk Rock and I fell in love with it. We’d drive to Denver on the weekends to the record stores where he’d buy new CD’s and more studs and patches for his leather jacket. He took me to my first show and taught me how to get to the front of the stage without getting sucked into the mosh pit. I had been to Warped Tour but this was such a different experience. We saw Dropkick Murphys and I was fascinated by the sea of combat boots, Mohawks and screaming kids pumping their fists and belting out every lyric while running in circles, smashing into each other. It was the first time I saw music come alive and it was such a gift.

Fast forward approximately 20 days from that first Friday night... We were saying goodbye to each other before heading off to 4th period when Adam very matter of factly said, “Oh, by the way, we are together now.” I looked at him and just said, “Okay.” I’m usually pretty feisty and don’t care to be told what to do, but in that moment, I was all in. I knew this was my person. I had no doubts. It was October 19th, 2001 and we were officially what the world would soon come to know as, “Adam and Jenn”.

The next 6 years brought a lot of really good times. We were inseparable. At the beginning, we received the typical criticism of two young people in love. Friends would accuse us of changing for each other and spending too much time together and not enough time with them. Parents would warn us that high school relationships rarely last. Siblings would try to convince us there were more important things than our relationship. My own grandmother said that Adam wasn’t good enough for me… of course she didn’t know he was within earshot and felt bad afterwards (and soon grew to love him dearly). We got teased for not being able to do anything without each other, but eventually everyone stopped and just accepted it. I know now that they were all just trying to be helpful of course. Nobody wants to see a broken heart. But they didn’t know what we knew. We both believed from very early on that we were meant to stay together. We had overcome so many obstacles already to be together and nothing was going to stop us now.

We both ended up at CSU together, studying art. College was so much fun and we got to experience all of it side by side. Our first experience living in dorms, hunting for our first apartment together, making new friends, staying late in the studio to finish painting deadlines, working hard and scraping by to make rent, tons of parties and even more shows. We went through several fashion phases... rockabilly, psychobilly, alt country... we looked pretty goofy most of the time.

When our senior year of college rolled around, we really didn’t know what our future held. We were art majors after all so our future wasn't exactly clear cut. But there was never any question of whether or not we’d be together...at this point, that was a given.

I can’t say I expected this next part though. As part of our senior thesis, we had to put up a gallery installation of our final work. Mine was in late January. At the artist reception, I was surrounded by family, friends, peers and teachers. It was a very exciting night and Adam made it even more memorable. As we were leaving for the night and locking up the gallery, he ran back to “check on something”. I went on to meet our friends in the parking lot… we had big plans to celebrate my gallery opening with a dinner at Bennigan’s (which was fancy for college kids ha!) He came out all exasperated and said he couldn’t get the door locked and I needed to come back and help him. I was highly annoyed at his inefficiency because it was like -10 outside and our friends were waiting… or so I thought. I went back in to find that the door was just fine. I stared at him uncomprehending but then I saw that there was some light coming from inside. As I opened it to see what was going on, I was surprised by several little candles and music. I looked back at Adam with his big toothy smile, holding a bottle of champagne, offering me a glass. I laughed a little as I began to understand that he had tricked me into coming back. At first he was just saying he wanted to celebrate my success with me, just the two of us. But his expression wasn’t adding up… he looked nervous and his big brown eyes were kind of tearing up. Then he hugged me and I noticed he was fiddling with something in his pocket… when he finally pulled his hand out he was holding a small white ring box. “Will you marry me?” he said, just standing there. (He later explained that he was so nervous that he forgot to get down on one knee) I was shocked!

Of course I said yes! And as I hugged him and cried and laughed all at the same time, my practical side kicked in. I suddenly blurted out, “We have to go! Our friends are waiting in the cold and I have the car keys!!” He just laughed and said,“They are already on their way to the restaurant, they knew about all of this.” I couldn’t believe it. Mostly because Adam is not very romantic so this whole thing just blew me away.

The first person I called was my mom. She could barely understand me because I was talking so fast and was so excited. When I finally let her talk, her reply was, “You told me you were going to marry him when you were in middle school.” Until she said that I had almost forgotten it. 9 years had passed since we met at a Friday night birthday party. And now we were going to be married. Crazy.

Next week I’ll conclude our little love story with Part 3: Dear Adam.

Thank you for tuning in!

Our Love Story, Part 1: Middle School

Jennifer Bridge February 13, 2018

In honor of Valentine's Day, I wanted to share my own personal love story. My husband Adam and I have been married for 10 years, dated for 6 prior to that, and actually met way back in middle school.

We've known each other longer than we haven't and even after all this time, I still have a crush on him. And since we have a long history, I decided to tell our story in 3 parts.

My hope is that you enjoy reading our little love story and laugh a little while making your way through the years with us.

Part 1: Middle School

I saw him walking down the hall of our crowded middle school, shaved head, flannel, and skateboard tucked under his arm. He was laughing with his friends. I was instantly drawn to his big toothy smile. For a few days, I tried my best to figure out his schedule, hoping that I would catch sight of him. He was pretty easy to spot though, already over 6 feet tall in the 7th grade and me, a mere 4’ 11 & ¾”. One day I saw him talking to some mutual friends. Bingo! This was my in… So I did what any middle school girl with a crush would do… I enlisted the help of said friends and started making a plan!

There was so much to do… First on the list- find out his name. Second- figure out how to get an introduction. Third- act cooler than I was so that if we did meet, he couldn’t help but like me. Fourth--and this was the hardest of all-- get him to break up with his girlfriend. Yikes! I know!?! Terrible right? But we were in middle school after all so being immature was totally acceptable.

After a couple of weeks in planning mode, I finally got up the courage to meet him in person. My friend was having a birthday party on a Friday night so I had our mutual friend invite him along. My plan was to get his attention at the party and befriend him… and act super cool right? Pause- To my friends who knew me back then, I’m sure you’re laughing hysterically right about now because you know-- I. Was. Not. Cool.

Picture awkward, ill fitting basketball jerseys over T-shirts, Adidas sandals and tube socks, scrunchies...those were all ‘in’ at the time by the way... I had pale skin, red hair and freckles (before it was cool), zero successful conversations with boys under my belt and people always teased me about my laugh (I still don’t understand that one). If you were to poll the entire student body as to whether or not my plan would work, I’m sure everyone would’ve answered NO by a landslide.

But alas… I wouldn’t be here telling you this story if they were all right. And thank God they weren’t.

That Friday night birthday party ended up being a total victory. I don’t know how, but Adam was actually in to me. We hit it off right away. We flirted, laughed, jumped on the tramp together, exchanged numbers and he even showed me how to ride his skateboard. The next day we talked on the phone for hours. Through the weekend we remained ‘just friends’.

Monday morning rolled around and news was all over the school that he had broken up with his girlfriend. It was also news to me… I mean I was excited and all but then incredibly nervous because I didn’t want any trouble. And if he broke up with his girlfriend because of me, then chances were he was going to ask me out… and I had no idea how to be a girlfriend. Remember, we are talking about totally awkward middle school Jenn.

By some stroke of luck, that afternoon he asked me out and we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I was over the moon. We held hands, talked on the phone constantly, made every effort to hang out… even rode our bikes across town to meet up. One time we got called to the principal’s office for PDA (Public Display of Affection) for holding hands at a school play. Adam’s mom worked at our school as the counseling office secretary and this was not a shining moment for her. And I was definitely not on her list of favorite people. In addition, I happened to be her office aid so I had to sit directly across from her after the trip to the principal’s office knowing full well that she knew what had happened. Totally embarrassing. Of course, back then I had no idea she’d someday be my mother in law.

Summer came and we were a couple of inseparable 13 year olds. If emojis had existed back then, I was all heart eyes!!

But guys… we were in middle school! By late June we broke up. Adam called me up and told me that he wanted to break up because he needed guy time with his friends. You know, to skateboard and play video games without having to call and check in with his girlfriend.

You might think that this crushed me. Actually, I was totally fine. I don’t even remember crying. It was as if I knew that no matter what our relationship status was, we were friends and that part wasn’t going to change. And I was right.

I still really liked him (obviously) and we stayed good friends for a while. As time went on though, we lost touch and I only saw him in the halls of our high school on occasion. I missed him and thought of him often. Even when I dated other guys and especially when I knew he was dating other girls.

On a warm September day of my senior year of high school, I saw him standing in the corner of our crowded hallway. He was somehow taller. And now he had a mohawk and a studded vest… I was done for.

Tune in next week for part 2!

Now don't laugh... these are the only middle school photos I could find! Next week's post will have more from the high school years.

Ugh... see?? So awkward.  Khaki shortalls? WTH.  It was 1998 so yeah...that's how we dressed. — Ugh... see?? So awkward. Khaki shortalls? WTH. It was 1998 so yeah...that's how we dressed.

Adam jumping on the tramp at the Friday night birthday party--our mutual friend to the right.  Adam wore that flannel like everyday and we still have it!! — Adam jumping on the tramp at the Friday night birthday party--our mutual friend to the right. Adam wore that flannel like everyday and we still have it!!